Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A Valentine's Day Confession

Valentine's Day today. So many people want to know other people's Valentine's Day plans as if it were such a huge holiday. I mean, it is a HUGE Hallmark day I suppose but why do people act like it is the only day when you show the ones you love just how much you love them?

I have always maintained that I think V-day is overrated. Not quite "bah-humbug" towards it but close. I don't necessarily boycott the holiday but I don't "celebrate" it. Sure, I buy my kids a box of Conversation Hearts (the ones without the peanut warning) and I give them a card. I hang strings of hearts from the kitchen window (but not this year). The kids bring home chocolates and candies, many of which they cannot eat due to allergies. If I think of it, I buy Stephen a can of Smokehouse Almonds (peanut-free but "may contain other tree nuts" so I felt guilty buying them this year so this pseudo-tradition may come to an end now that Cars is allergic to walnuts/pecans). And that's it. Stephen is lucky if I get him a card (I did this year).

The truth about why I think V-day is overrated is that Stephen and I broke up on Valentine's Day one year (1990). He dumped me after we went out to dinner. He dumped me because he had been flirting with a red-headed vegetarian at school/work. I was working full-time and he was still in school to get an honours BA. He was working at "The Pub" which was the pub at our campus of UofT (Toronto). It turns out that he and his friend B had been seriously flirting with two girls and they spent a lot of time together day and night at the U. I guess I was fortunate in that Stephen dumped me before he actually cheated on me. Whereas B's girlfriend was not that lucky and he did not dump her until well after he had begun "dating" E (E, who really is a lovely person. They eventually married a few years after Stephen and I).

Anyway, I was dumped on Valentine's Day. Dumped! Cupid could take his friggin' bow and arrow and stick it!

By the time the next Valentine's Day rolled around, I was still single. Stephen and I had recently begun speaking to each other again (long sordid details here with him stringing me along after the red-headed vegetarian dumped him, then me telling him to FOAD and then him mooning over me, much to the disgust of his family <- so yes, sordid). However, he was away at grad school in Indiana. We were not "together" on V-day but by May, we were officially a couple again (and I had phone bills in the hundred$ of dollar$ to prove it).

The following year, although we were back together, he was still away at school. The year after that? He was living in Minneapolis. The next? We were newlyweds, I was not working and we were flat broke. By Valentine's Day 1995, it was a tradition to do nothing on Valentine's day. Then pressure from everyone and their questions "So, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?" was unbearable so I mumbled "Valentine's Day is not a big deal to us" and that was that.

Secretly though, I would love for him to make a big deal about Valentine's Day. I would love it! Buy me flowers, chocolates (although this really is impossible with the nut/peanut allergies in the house), arrange for a babysitter, take me to dinner, buy me some jewerly. But that will never happen. We don't celebrate it. We don't buy each other gifts for Valentine's Day (ok, there was the coffee table he bought me 2 yrs ago for Valentine's Day but really it was on sale and he just happened to buy it on Valentine's Day, I think.

Since this will never happen, I will continue to say that we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. That it is not a big deal to me. And I will continue to buy the kids Conversation Hearts. And I will make a regular dinner and I will watch whatever is on tv that night.

And wish that I had big romantic plans.

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