Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Christmas has come and gone. We are just days away from the end of 2016 and I can say GOOD RIDDANCE to it. It was not a fun year and we had some sadness, some heartache and a lot of little shitty things happen. My MIL passed away, Jax had that allergic reaction and is now suffering the consequences of that (high anxiety). My identity was stolen and a MasterCard was opened in my name. Now I will have to place a freeze on my credit which will be PITA every time I need to apply for credit.

Mid-year I had a root canal which turned out to be a fractured root so an aborted root canal lead to an extraction and dental implant (still an ongoing process).

The daughter of a good friend was diagnosed with leukemia. While she has "won the lottery of cancers" according to her doctors, treatment still has not been easy for her or her family. Six months down and two years to go.

A very good friend of mine was diagnosed with some uber rare form of breast cancer. She has had a mastectomy and is still awaiting word to find out if her insurance will cover the cost of the treatment and genetic testing.

My FIL is feeling lost without my MIL. I think it is so very sad that he put up no Christmas decorations. I know he was not feeling it but it breaks my heart a little.

The list of celebrities who have passed away this year has also been shocking. Maybe it is that most of them are all of a certain age but so many seemed to have passed prematurely. The ones that hurt me the most were Prince, Alan Thicke (I know you are thinking WTF?) and Carrie Fisher.

I have not been able to keep up with regular exercise or diet and it really has affected my mood. Or maybe it is (peri?)menopause? Whatever the reason, I am grumpy and have no patience for people. I have unfriended dozens of people from Facebook for infractions such as me believing they owe me an apology, to their politics (sorry but I do not believe that Trump's business "acumen" is just what we need in the White House), to people slighting other friends.

Let's hope that the remaining days of 2016 are not completely awful and pray, hope and wish that 2017 will not be nearly as bad as we fear.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Jax called me this morning to tell me that he thought he was having an allergic reaction and he was at the hospital. It seems it was not an allergic reaction but an anxiety attack. He told me that he had been struggling with eating from the dining hall since his reaction in October. When he called he was in the waiting room. Clearly they did not think he was having an allergic reaction because he had been waiting for over an hour. He was much calmer, had NOT taken epinephrine and had decided it was probably just anxiety.

He hasn't been sleeping much and yesterday was his big project where he was producer on a live TV show that the school of broadcasting put on (he did an awesome job). However, he stayed up very late to finish some work that he got behind in in the days leading up to the show and then he had a big cup of coffee (he rarely drinks it) and then started questioning whether the food he ate may have had peanuts in it or not. So the lack of sleep and the caffeine heightened his anxiety.

So after that hour and still siitng in the ER waiting room, he told them he was leaving and headed to the school's health and counseling office and was checked out by a nurse who said he was physically fine but she helped him make an appointment to see a counselor and a nutritionist. He also mentioned that he is not going to eat in the dining hall for a few days until he is less worried. He will go to the grocery store and pick up some food. I hope he remembers to get some protein! He is good about eating enough veggies and fruit.

I am so worried about him. Thankfully he will be home in just over a week and he has a month off school. Also, he has an appointment with the allergist scheduled for the week after he gets home just to talk to her and see if he needs to get additional Rx to maybe carry some prednisone around with him if it happens again.

He had some (a lot!) of anxiety around his allergy when he was 9, which is the age when children realize that death is real and permanent. He had stopped eating outside of the house and lost a lot of weight. I took him to counseling for a year where he learned some great techniques to calm himself down. To this day I know he uses those techniques but this is different since it stemmed from a REAL reaction. I am so worried about him!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Overwhelming sadness has enveloped me. I am sad about the election. I mean of course I did not want Trump to win but the vile discourse that plagued the whole process and the promise to build a wall and do something about Muslims makes me feel so disheartened. I did go to a peaceful "assembly" on Saturday and I made a sign that read " In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends" MLK Jr. It was just a small thing but it was good to be in the company of others who want people to love their neighbours and not kick them out of the country.

Last week I had a call back on my mammogram, which lead to additional pictures and an ultrasound. The radiologist said "well looks like nothing but come back in 6 months"  then I received the letter that stated that it is is "probably benign" has not filled me with a lot of confidence. Especially after hearing word today that a friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. A very aggressive form of breast cancer. That fucking sucks!

Maybe I just need to keep these words in mind...

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. Desmond Tutu


Wednesday, October 26, 2016

I am in a ROTTEN mood today. Not sure what is going on but watch out! My kids got the brunt of it today when the toilet got clogged. Our "uncloggable" toilet. This is probably the 10th or 12th time is has clogged since it was installed during the bathroom remodel 3 years ago (or was it 4?). In any event, it got clogged and I got blamed for buying the wrong toilet paper. Uh-oh. Not a good day to blame me for something that I did not do. I probably owe them an apology for my choice language but I am not there yet. In fact, I am cooking dinner and as soon as it is ready I am out.the.door.  I think I might go to the gym or out shopping. We'll see how much worse the mood gets in the next 30 minutes.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Well, it finally happened. Jax had an allergic reaction to peanuts last night, while 270 miles away at university. He did not (yes, you read that right, did NOT) use his EpiPen because he did not initially realize that it was an allergic reaction and then he thought might not be ~that~ bad. So he took Benadryl and waited but it got worse so he had a friend drive him to the ER. Once there, he said he was having an allergic reaction to peanuts and they took him in straight away. His symptoms started with an itch throat a sore stomach. Then a cough and pressure in his ears. By the time he arrived at the ER his face is beet read and he had hives on his face.

They admonished him for not using his EpiPen. He was given epinephrine, a steroid, Benadryl and pepcid and he stayed for observation for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, he had a biphasic reaction and he called me at 4:30AM and asked what he should do! OMG! I told him EPIPEN then 911. He told me he was going to try to wake someone up to get a ride. I wanted to reach through the phone and grab him by the throat. Anyway, he did end up calling 911 then using the EpiPen (wrong order!!) and his roommate waited outside with him until the ambulance arrived. Again, he was treated with antihistamines and released after a couple of hours. He has to fill 3 Rx for steroids and the antihistamines.

So, he thinks he reacted to either corn bread or the dressing on a shrimp salad from the dining hall at the school. His plan is the meet with the chef to find out if there would have been any chance of cross contamination. He has an app from the school that lists all ingredients of all of the food and thus far (7 weeks) he has been eaten everything else safely. Oh not! What if it is a new allergy to shrimp? Hmmm... **edited to add on 10/161/6 that he found out the salad had peanut oil in it.

Anyway, I just cannot believe that it happened yet I knew it was bound to happen sometime. I am so happy that he is ok and pray that he never has another reaction.

Lots of to-do's now to be done (transfer his EpiPen Rx to a national pharmacy so he can refill it, contact the university's health and counseling services to let them know what happened, contact the chef at the dining hall to determine what he reacted to, review his emergency plan and most of all, always use the EpiPen first).



Well, it finally happened. Jax had an allergic reaction to peanuts last night, while 270 miles away at university. He did not (yes, you read that right, did NOT) use his EpiPen because he did not initially realize that it was an allergic reaction and then he thought might not be ~that~ bad. So he took Benadryl and waited but it got worse so he had a friend drive him to the ER. Once there, he said he was having an allergic reaction to peanuts and they took him in straight away. His symptoms started with an itch throat a sore stomach. Then a cough and pressure in his ears. By the time he arrived at the ER his face is beet read and he had hives on his face.

They admonished him for not using his EpiPen. He was given epinephrine, a steroid, Benadryl and pepcid and he stayed for observation for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, he had a biphasic reaction and he called me at 4:30AM and asked what he should do! OMG! I told him EPIPEN then 911. He told me he was going to try to wake someone up to get a ride. I wanted to reach through the phone and grab him by the throat. Anyway, he did end up calling 911 then using the EpiPen (wrong order!!) and his roommate waited outside with him until the ambulance arrived. Again, he was treated with antihistamines and released after a couple of hours. He has to fill 3 Rx for steroids and the antihistamines.

So, he thinks he reacted to either corn bread or the dressing on a shrimp salad from the dining hall at the school. His plan is the meet with the chef to find out if there would have been any chance of cross contamination. He has an app from the school that lists all ingredients of all of the food and thus far (7 weeks) he has been eaten everything else safely. Oh not! What if it is a new allergy to shrimp? Hmmm... **edited to add on 10/161/6 that he found out the salad had peanut oil in it.

Anyway, I just cannot believe that it happened yet I knew it was bound to happen sometime. I am so happy that he is ok and pray that he never has another reaction.

Lots of to-do's now to be done (transfer his EpiPen Rx to a national pharmacy so he can refill it, contact the university's health and counseling services to let them know what happened, contact the chef at the dining hall to determine what he reacted to, review his emergency plan and most of all, always use the EpiPen first).



Well, it finally happened. Jax had an allergic reaction to peanuts last night, while 270 miles away at university. He did not (yes, you read that right, did NOT) use his EpiPen because he did not initially realize that it was an allergic reaction and then he thought might not be ~that~ bad. So he took Benadryl and waited but it got worse so he had a friend drive him to the ER. Once there, he said he was having an allergic reaction to peanuts and they took him in straight away. His symptoms started with an itch throat a sore stomach. Then a cough and pressure in his ears. By the time he arrived at the ER his face is beet read and he had hives on his face.

They admonished him for not using his EpiPen. He was given epinephrine, a steroid, Benadryl and pepcid and he stayed for observation for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, he had a biphasic reaction and he called me at 4:30AM and asked what he should do! OMG! I told him EPIPEN then 911. He told me he was going to try to wake someone up to get a ride. I wanted to reach through the phone and grab him by the throat. Anyway, he did end up calling 911 then using the EpiPen (wrong order!!) and his roommate waited outside with him until the ambulance arrived. Again, he was treated with antihistamines and released after a couple of hours. He has to fill 3 Rx for steroids and the antihistamines.

So, he thinks he reacted to either corn bread or the dressing on a shrimp salad from the dining hall at the school. His plan is the meet with the chef to find out if there would have been any chance of cross contamination. He has an app from the school that lists all ingredients of all of the food and thus far (7 weeks) he has been eaten everything else safely. Oh not! What if it is a new allergy to shrimp? Hmmm...

Anyway, I just cannot believe that it happened yet I knew it was bound to happen sometime. I am so happy that he is ok and pray that he never has another reaction.

Lots of to-do's now to be done (transfer his EpiPen Rx to a national pharmacy so he can refill it, contact the university's health and counseling services to let them know what happened, contact the chef at the dining hall to determine what he reacted to, review his emergency plan and most of all, always use the EpiPen first).



Saturday, October 08, 2016

My mother-in-law passed away on October 2nd. We knew it was coming. She had cancer that was spreading and no chemo was keeping it in check. She still passed away sooner than expected and it is always hard, no matter if you know it is coming or not.

Here is her obituary:

Peacefully at home on Sunday, October 2, 2016 in her 78th year.  Mary, beloved wife of Gerry for 54 years.  Loving mother of son M and his wife M, son S and his wife Pez, and son G and his wife T.  Cherished grandmother to L, S, Jax, Dex, Cars, A, and V.  Daughter of the late Frank and Agatha Pocisk.  Dear sister to A.  Predeceased by her twin J and siblings F and E.  Aunt to E, E, B, P, J, A-Marie, and M.  Mary will be sadly missed by family and many friends from her years of teaching, service, faith, and travel.  With passion and enthusiasm, Mary inspired friendships that lasted over 50 years.  Mary loved teaching as much as she loved learning.  She cooked from scratch to celebrate family and friends with food and libations.  She read voraciously and coached her students to develop self-confidence through books.  Devoted to her faith, she turned compassion into service her whole life.  She practiced humility but took pride in her family.  Mary took bridge seriously and played it loudly. She traveled, enjoyed bread and cheese on the Champ-Elysees, pasta in Rome, sampled spices in Turkey and partook Pina Colada in Hawaii. She was a joy to family, friends, and everyone she met.  Visitation at the FUNERAL HOME, on Wednesday October 5, 2016 from 3-5 & 7-9pm. Funeral Mass  on Thursday morning at 10:00am in St. Catholic Church. Interment Cemetery. Reception to follow at the funeral home after the burial.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Home from our holidays at the Oregon Coast. Great weather - no rain and not nearly as cold as usual. One bummer was that Spy and I were lectured by a park ranger for climbing past the fence to hike out on the cape. It is not against the law per se but in the past few months many teenagers have died or had to be rescued by doing dumb stuff so they are really discouraging people from hiking past the fence. Anyway, the park ranger told us, as we returned from our hike, that we were setting bad examples for the teens and young people around. It was kind of funny, especially if you knew what a scaredy cat I am and how I never, ever climb anywhere that is anywhere close to dangerous or go close to a cliff edge. So, we will abide by the park ranger's request and no longer hike out that way. It is too bad because it is so gorgeous out there!







R.I.P. Hiking Cape Kiwanda

Saturday, August 06, 2016

My baby turned 13 yesterday. I am the mom to all teenagers now. They are all so grown up!


Saturday, July 09, 2016

We returned home this week from a 12 day visit to Toronto and Chicago. We went to Chicago for my niece's wedding and we made the trip to Toronto to see my mom and my MIL. Originally I thought I would be flying with my mom to Chicago for the wedding but then my mom asked another one of my niece's to take her. In the end, my mom was too medically fragile and confused to travel at all. She was upset but I think also relieved that she did not go.

My MIL told us while we were there that she was considering ending her chemo treatments since they make her very ill and chemo is not curing her, only keeping her alive. When it was time to say goodbye, it was very hard because we knew it was for the last time. It was so devastating seeing that realization on my children's faces too.

The wedding was lovely and it was so nice to see the family who was able to travel to Chicago. However, 12 days away was too long. Glad to be home.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Toothless wonder...

The tooth saga continues. I had a consultation with the endodontist and scheduled the root canal for Thursday of this past week. He did say there was a slight chance that the root was fractured but he would not be able to tell until he "got in there". So, 4 needles to numb my mouth and lots of drilling later, I heard him say "Dr. E" and I panicked because I *know* that Dr. E is an oral surgeon (some of my friends have sent their kids to Dr. E for wisdom teeth removal. Then the endodontist stopped and told me that my tooth root was fractured on both sides (distal and lingual) so he was stopping the procedure and referring me to the oral surgeon to have my tooth extracted. WTactualF!

I was stunned and shocked. Only *really* old people lose their teeth. Ok, really I know this is not the case but that is all I could think at the time. Old people who do not take care of their teeth! Yes, I have a lot of fillings but that is because I have weak tooth enamel. I brush my teeth religiously! The cavities that I have had have always been on the chewing surfaces, not between my teeth so it is not a flossing issue. I guess I should have been more diligent about wearing my night guard since I clench my teeth hard at night. Would that have prevented this one from fracturing?!

So, he put a temporary filling in and sent me (conveniently) across the hall to the oral surgeon's office. I could not get an appointment until June 6 - 11 days from Thursday and here I was, with a temporary filling that had a 2 week lifespan! And the June 6 appointment is only a CONSULTATION! I asked to be put on a cancellation list and fortunately they called me back the next day so now I get to go in on Tuesday for my consultation.

And of course there is the vanity factor too. I will have a f*cking HOLE in my smile. Yes, a hole! Yes, it is near the back but it will still be visible when I smile. It seems that implants are the standard treatment for this but they are a h*ll of a lot of money.  In the meantime, I will have a hole in my smile while we go back home on vacation. OMG, I will have a hole in my smile.

The good news is that I hope to lose a pound or two (or 10) while all this goes on because my mouth still hurts (apparently the ligaments around the tooth is what is hurting, not the nerve since he killed it). It hurts to chew most foods. Thankfully, I can suck on chocolate.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened

I went to a new dentist yesterday. I changed dentists because the dentist I had been seeing for 17 years brought in another dentist to help out and I cannot stand the guy and for the past several visits, he is the only dentist available.

Anyway, yesterday was a new patient visit for me where they reviewed my previous records and x-rays, looked at my teeth, took photos, and asked if I were having any problems. I had been experiencing some cold sensitivity on one tooth. Looks like the tooth is cracking (I *should* be wearing my night guard for clenching) so he said I would need a crown (no surprise, the other dentist had been trying to "sell" me on that for a while - even before I started having problems but just to replace the amalgam filling with a porcelain filling or full crown. However, after further investigation, he thinks I might need a root canal first so I have been referred to an endodontist.

I left the office and by the time I got to my car, I was in tears! Off all of the problems I have had since turning 50 (chronic pain from hip bursitis and arthritis, thyroid nodules with recommendation of having my remaining thyroid removed, acid reflux, etc), this problem with my teeth make me feel the OLDEST! Or maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I sat in my car and sobbed! Maybe I need to add emotional instability to the litany of old age problems?!

The only bright spot in all of this is that I am genetically pre-disposed to NOT have plaque build-up on my teeth so despite my infrequent flossing, my gums are healthy...for my age.

Friday, April 15, 2016

My Baby is 18!

Jax turned 18 yesterday. I have so many mixed feelings about it. I am sad that he will be gone from home soon. I am proud that he is a fine young man. I am happy that he survived to adulthood (how many times over the years, especially the early years was I sure that he was going to die from his peanut allergy?!). 

Since it is his first birthday as an adult (and last birthday spent at "home"), I wanted to make sure it was special. I went to the party store to buy a #18 candle but the lady at the party store talked me into buying this musical blooming candle instead. She said it was very impressive. She said I should be sure to light it in front of Jax so he'd get the full experience of the the centre lighting the other candles as it "bloomed".
Ok, as you can see, there are FLAMES shooting out of the centre, not a candle. Jax had to lean back to stop from getting burned. The candle also rotated around and played "Happy Birthady". So he blew out the candles but the thing kept rotating and playing Happy Birthday. I took it off the cake (Oreo pie actually) and the spring broke so it stopped rotating but kept playing Happy Birthday. We pulled it apart to get it to stop but on and on it played. DH pulled the electronics out of it and yet it played on! Finally, we had to rip the battery of out it to make it stop! OMG!
So, if the lady at the party store in Redmond tries to talk you into this candle, beware!


Monday, March 28, 2016

Miss Me?

Dear Reader (J), thanks for leaving a comment and asking for an update. I appreciate that you asked and are out there.

We had a really, really busy hockey season this year. Cars' team had so many away games the last few weeks so it seems that we were rarely home on the weekend, neglecting Jax and Dex! Anyway, it finally finished two weekends ago but now we have him on a Spring team that will practice in April and May and go to a tournament near the end of May. I did enjoy the season because I saw a lot more of Spy than in the past because her youngest was also on the same team. Cars had a great year and really enjoyed playing - more so than any other year.

Jax starts High School hockey shortly. One or two games/week and no practices. Easy peasy!

Dex did conditioning through the winter and Track season started two weeks ago. He is running longer sprints (400m) and is doing very well. He loves being part of something bigger than himself and he won the cross country "most spirited" award at the end of the cross country season in November. If there is a similar award for track, he may win that too!

Jax has been accepted at 6 universities. Two gave him no money at all and are both out of state so he has crossed those off of his list. Well, he was actually eligible for a "legacy" scholarship of $1250/semester at one of them (dh went there for his masters) but that barely touched the out of state fees. So this coming weekend, Jax and I are off to one of the remaining 3 universities for a weekend of activies to see if that is where he wants to go. He is definitely leaning hard that way. He did get a scholarship at that place but it is still a bit pricier than a state school however, he was accepted directly into the program that he wants to study whereas he cannot apply to the program at the state school until after his first year. So being in the program is very attractive to him (understandably). Anyway, he has to commit to a school by May 1st so he just has a few short weeks to decide.

My mom is doing remarkably better than she was. The week she moved into the nursing home, they put her on an anti-psychotic medication and within a couple of weeks she stopped sounding so crazy and paranoid that people were out to steal her "essence" and frame her for crimes. She is mostly back to her normal self which is really wonderful. She is still blind, of course, and it makes me so sad that she is living in the nursing home and cannot see. She still has her opinions though and told me the other day that my hair "looked like crap when it was long and grey". I reminded her that it was long and grey now and she told me that it was different now (different because I do get a few blond highlights in it to try to blend the grey).

We will be going to TO to see my mom, and my MIL. My MIL's cancer returned and chemo has not stopped it from spreading although it did stop what was there from getting bigger. Cancer is in her stomach, liver, kidneys, everywhere. She tried to get into an experimental treatment but found out last week that she was not accepted. So she will probably try another chemo drug as they look for another test for her. I feel so badly for her. And for DH. He is pretty mum about the whole thing but I know he is shaken up. Cancer sucks!