Monday, February 23, 2015

I was trying to find a post about my sister yesterday (before I remembered that I deleted most of them) and I found this. I wrote it over 9 years ago:

Here is the list of 50 Things About Me (this is a repeat for anyone who may read HER TIME on Delphiforums):

1. I am 40 years old but still feel 18 sometimes (not youthful, just immature) **almost 50 and still feel the same
2. I have three boys
3. I always thought I would have a girl
4. I met my dh at university
5. We were in almost all of the same psychology classes together that year
6. He asked me to marry him twice
7. I said no the first time
8. I am a chronic worrier
9. I probably should be on anti-anxiety medication **now have Xanax to take just in case
10. But that worries me more than the anxiety
11. I had (have) post-partum depression after my third child
12. I am still going to counselling for it two years later but go once every three weeks now **no more
13. I love being creative
14. I make beaded jewerly, I knit (simple items), and I paint **now I do wood carving
15. I would love to go back to school for graphic design  **still think about this!
16. But I worry about the cost, if I am good enough, etc
17. I wish I had more friends IRL
18. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes than speak in public
19. I get tongue-tied when I am nervous and end up sounding like a fool
20. I miss Toronto and hope to move back there one day  **good God no! But Vancouver is a possibility
21. I haven't lived there in 12 years  **21 years
22. I hate cold winters though so I will probably stay here with the cool, wet winters
23. I think all.the.time about losing weight  **same
24. Especially when I am sitting around eating chocolate **same
25. I don't like my sister **same
26. Although really I think I don't like her because I feel rejected by her **same
27. She will not speak to anyone in the family except for my mom because "we are all strangers to her" **same
28. We are strangers because she will not speak to us **same
29. I am sometimes embarrassed when people ask me about her and I cannot tell them more than what I have heard from my mom **same
30. I pray for her a lot **same
31. I pray for my husband too
32. I wish he would attend Church with us
33. I worry about Jackson being exposed to peanuts, especially peanut butter because it is so insidious and gets everywhere **and now Carson to tree nuts since he was not yet diagnosed at the time I originally posted this
34. When I was in the deep depths of ppd, I used to think it might be better if he died so I didn't have to worry about him and peanut butter anymore
35. That is when I sought help
36. I have never told anyone that before and wonder if I am brave enough not to edit it
37. I feel guilty about those thoughts everyday
38. I want to let my hair grow grey  **btdt now I am blondish because it blends better with grey
39. I wish I could afford to go to a salon every 4 weeks to colour it
40. I am lazy
41. I am too cheap to go to Starbucks  **same
42. I get jealous watching Oprah's "Favorite Things" episodes  **thank God Oprah is over
43. I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom
44. I cannot imagine going back to work in an office
45. My favourite board game is Scrabble but I don't have anyone to play with because Stephen gets annihilated everytime and will not play with me anymore
46. I have wished for world peace every Christmas since I was 10
47. I think Karl Rove is an evil man **same
48. Organized Christmas trees (by colour or theme) are not for me
49. I love decorating my Christmas tree with all the hodgepodge decoartions
50. I hope to catch "Love Actually" on TV this holiday season

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Sisters are

My mom.

My poor mom.

It is sad enough that she had to deal with a physical affliction (blindness stemming from chronic illness - giant cell arteritis). But now to continue to have psychological issues on top of it (stemming, no doubt, from prednisone - the drug used to treat her affliction).

My mom got stuck in time last week. She was stuck in time before she was born. She was worried about how things would play out, being stuck in time before she was born. How would the nurses, who are much younger than she is, come to give her the meds each morning since they also had not been born yet? In the end, she decided to just sit and wait to see what happened and if time resolved itself.

She did not, however, reveal to just anyone that she was stuck in time. She left lovely info for my poor aunt, her sister, who has been dealing with the brunt of everything. My aunt called my brother and told him that we all needed to come see my mom because this was the weirdest thing she had ever said and she was stuck in time for two days (the longest that my mom has been saying weird things).

So, I decided I should go. But then my sister decided she was going this weekend. So I did not book my trip.

We should have know...

I have posted about my sister in the past and, dear reader, if there are any of you left, you may remember having read about her. I have deleted most of my blahg postings about her.  She is ... hard to describe.

Actually, not that hard to describe.

My sister is bitter, mean, depressed, angry. There is no joy in her life except when she is making others miserable. I don't know that to be true, really, but it must be because she is often making people feel miserable and shitty so that must make her happy or why would she do it, right?

She loves two people in her life - her son and daughter (both adults and from what I understand, great kids). I suppose she loves my mom too. She did, after all, decide to go see her.

So, my sister's daughter is an EMT and she can get these discounted plane tickets so my sister was able to get a ticket to see my mom and flew yesterday morning. My mom was so happy that my sister was coming to visit. Really happy! I was happy that my mom was happy and that my sister was going when it was so freaking cold (record cold temperatures in Toronto!).

Now, my sister does not have anything to do with me - long story but she blocked me on facebook in October after I defriended her after she reported a photo that I put up of us as kids with our pumpkin - a freaking 40+ year old picture!! So I really did not want to call my mom while my sister was there so we have had minimal contact these past couple of days but this is what happened as told to me by my youngest brother.

So, my sister arrived Friday and my mom was delighted. Saturday morning I woke up and got on my iPad ans say these messages from my brother on Facebook:

So who wants to come to Toronto to bail J out when she gets arrested?
I just got a call from the Suites (assisted living) and first of all mom never told them that J was coming
This morning J was yelling and screaming at the staff, saying they are treating mom like a dog and swearing
She was threatening them
She made several of the nurses cry
They are all afraid to approach her.
I told B (director at assisted living) that if she causes anymore problems to call the police
Auntie is picking them up in a little while to go to her place for lunch and hopefully keep them there for a long time.
J called Auntie and was cursing up a storm about these "fuckin' ladies here" and said she is going home, she can't take seeing the way they treat mom
Mom was in the background crying and yelling if you leave I will never talk to you again

And a couple of hours later:

I just got off the phone with the director of the home.
She told me J is not allowed to come back.
So my poor brother, who is a about 1.5 hours east of the city at his daughter's basketball tournament is dealing with this shit and my sister is behaving like a lunatic! 

And my poor mom!!


Damn it
Mom is saying that they can't take her away from me
She said I have to tell them she is bipolar
I said that is not an excuse for assaulting people.
Bipolar Is not a defense against committing a crime.
I hung up on mom

Let's be clear here. My sister has not ever been diagnosed with being bipolar. She has been diagnosed with depression in the past. Really, she is just a mean person. My mom is *sure* she is bipolar but only because my sister will talk to her sometimes and not talk to her at others so my mom takes that as the highs and lows of being bipolar.

So, my sister goes to Toronto, threatens and screams at all of the staff in my mom's assisted living who are responsible for my mom's care, gets herself  BANNED from the place and then throws another hissy fit, changes her flight and is planning to fly home first thing in the morning. Thankfully she is able to stay with my Aunt.

This is un-fucking-believable!

My youngest brother is now left to mop up the mess in dealing with my mom and with the assisted living centre who had to BAN MY SISTER! OMG, that is so embarrassing!

Meanwhile, DH stayed overnight in Vancouver on a business trip last night so when he arrived home I told him all of it and his response "When are you going?".

I don't want to go!

My poor mom.

Sunday, February 08, 2015

Dex's tics are back with a vengeance. They do not bother him at all so I hate to bring it to his attention but the constant blowing air through his nose is so annoying! He went to a movie a few days ago and I can only imagine what the other movie patrons were thinking, having to listen to it. Poor kid. I will give it another week before I ask him about going to see the neurologist. It has been years since we have been but might be worth another visit.