I cannot cook

I pretend to cook. Oh sure, I can toss a couple of skinless, boneless chicken breasts in the oven, steam some veggies then and say I "cooked" dinner. But really I cannot cook. Today I burnt dessert and undercooked a roast chicken(Beer can chicken on the grill). I could not believe I am so friggin lame at cooking.

I had put the cake under the broiler to brown the topping and heard the thermometer going off outside because the chicken was "done" (at the right temp). I ran out to check on it (the temp said it was cooked - but perhaps I hit a bone with the probe) and thought it was probably done so I had to delicately balance it off the grill and into a pan without spilling the can of beer or burning myself. I finally got back inside in time to smell that putrid burnt sugar smell that I recall so well from high school science class (anyone have to do that experience where you burn sugar with the bunsen burner??). The topping was BLACK and not salvagable. Then I started cutting up the bird and the whole one side was still pink! I could not believe it. My thermometer LIED! I cried. Then Stephen arrived home, had a good laugh which then just made me mad then he made dinner (grilled burgers and hot dogs) since we didn't feel that microwaving the bird would make us feel good about eating it.

I am not going to pretend to cook anymore. I am not even going to try to make Cars' b-day cake. I suck!