With the beginning of a New Year here, it is of course time to think about resolutions or goals to achieve in the coming months. I am horrible at making and keeping resolutions. They are always the same anyway, lose weight, get organized, blahblahblah. I never make any action plans to go with these resolutions so of course I never keep them.

This year will be different.

First off, I would like to get fit. In the past I would say lose weight and I hope I do lose weight in my goal to become fit but that will not be my first priority. I have been walking regularly (semi-regularly these past two weeks though) with my neighbour and we cover 2-3 miles each night, depending on the weather. I can now walk up the huge hill from the school without feeling like I am going to die (have altered our course though and haven't walked the hill in a few weeks though since a rapist moved into a house along that route). Stephen and I have joined a fitness club (he says he will not go - his membership was free because it is a benefit from his work and I joined via his membership so I did not have to pay initiation dues) and I hope to work out at least twice each week. That is not often, I know, but until Cars is in preschool, it will have to do. Plus they have like 5 pools there so I hope to take the kids swimming at least once/week.

I need to eat better. I think I went a whole week recently without consuming a piece of fresh fruit or fresh vegetable. That is disgusting. I started looking at the sodium content in canned veggies and the corn syrup added to canned fruit and it gross. They are fine in moderation but my whole diet was processed food and it was not good. I am considering joining WW but my experience with them last time makes me a little hesitant to go back. They were readily encouraging people to consume artificial sweeteners such as aspartame and equal which I just cannot believe are good for you. Also, SOY SOY SOY was heralded as a fine substitution for other proteins. Never mind that SOY SOY SOY is very bad bad bad for people with thyroid problems which, no doubt, many of the WW members have (more info here if you are interested).

The cancer scare that I had at the end of the summer really scared the shit out of me. I know I am not doing all I can do to live my best life (ok, perhaps I am watching too much Oprah?) so I know I need to work harder at living and enjoying life. One big step was admitting that I no longer needed to go to counselling because I saw my ppd as an excuse not to move on. I figured as long as I had ppd then I could not do other things. One thing at a time blah blah blah. I knew I was better so I just had to cut the cord and move on.

So, besides getting fit and eating better, I have a few other small goals that I would like to achieve:
1) take a class (probably a beading class)
2) complete a big knitted project (perhaps a sweater or baby blanket)
3) roll over my 401k to an IRA (I have put this off for 6.5 years and for some reason this worries me)
4) have two parties in my home in 2006 (this is in addition to our annual July 4th bbq and Christmas dinner)
5) take a ferry ride (this terrifies me!)

So there they are...my goals for 2006.

Day O'Fun

Today I went shopping with Ash and Nosey Neighbour (I guess I could call her Glo). It was Ash's birthday and we all had gift cards to spend at the Mall. So, Glo and I drove together and met Ash at Macy's where I returned 4 gifts for Stephen (knives, crystal bar glasses, a shirt and some cologne - I sure struck out this year). Then we shopped for a few hours, had lunch at Cheesecake Factory then more shopping. It was more window shopping for me because I could not find anything I liked except for the turquoise leather jacket (it was gorgeous but definitely not in my $50 gift card budget!).

When I arrived home, Stephen was still out with the kids (he took them to the new Children's museum, the driving range and then to Applebee's for dinner) so I had a couple of hours to myself. I watched over an hour of TV without anyone asking to put on Spongebob or Danny Phantom or Dora or Diego!

At 8:30pm, Ash, Glo and Jan called from the bar at the plaza asking me to join them (they had dinner there with their families to celebrate Ash and Jan's birthdays). So I went (no walking with neighbour due to pissing rain). I had such a blast. It is so nice to have girlfriends to go and hangout with (sans children). That is something that I have really been missing in my life.

Another one of my Christmas gifts:


PEZ MP3 Player

Christmas Day was a blast. The kids loved everything they received. Many of the gifts I bought for Stephen are going back (I struck out big-time this year). I received some nice things including a lovely string of pearls that still need the clasp put on it so we are taking it back to the jewelery store tomorrow. They are so pretty!

Dinner was awesome. Stephen cooked prime rib with gravy, asparagus, mashed potatoes, mashed turnip (don't say EW!) and broccoli. I made the best every Yorkshire pudding ever! Not sure what was so different about it this year but it was delicious (I made individual pieces in muffin tins). Ash, her dh and kids as well as her MIL and SIL came for dinner. We all had a great time eating, drinking and being merry.

We were hoping to take the kids tubing this week but it has been so mild. We set a record high on Christmas Eve - 62 degrees. It has been raining and raining too so much of the snow in the pass has been ruined and lots of areas are under flood watches. Hopefully, it will get cooler by the end of the week so we can go then.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!

Stephen wanted to wrap presents with the kids tonight. He gathered up the box of Christmas paper, ribbons, bows and tags and banished me up to our room, which was ok because I was able to work on a hat I am knitting.

After a few moments, Stephen came bursting into our room, demanding to know where the Santa paper was (I use plain red paper for Santa's gifts). I reminded him that he had put it in the box with the other paper but don't worry, it was in a plastic bag and he could just sneak it out. Too late! Jax had found it. Stephen was livid because he thought this was it and Jax would know there was no Santa. I was mad at him getting pissed with me when it was his fault. And nevermind that I don't think Santa should even wrap gifts (we have this discussion every year!). Santa never wrapped presents in our house but he did in Stephen's.

My mom once told me that she never wrapped Santa gifts because when she was a child, she noticed some paper that her mother had purchased but when Christmas morning arrived, the gifts from Santa was wrapped in that paper. That is when she knew there was no Santa. She never wanted this to happen to her kids so no Santa gifts were wrapped.

Fortunately, Jax did not notice that that paper was Santa's paper (I bought 3 huge rolls of it 3 years ago). But just to be sure, I went out tonight and bought two large rolls of plain paper that we will use for Santa gifts (btw, in my house Santa only brought one gift but not in Stephen's...hey! why does he get to keep all of his traditions?!) then hide in the garage rafters until next year, and not with the rest of the paper!

But now I am curious, does Santa wrap gifts at your house? Please let me know!

Ok, we have the Christmas menu set:

Roast Beef
Mashed potatoes
Mashed turnip (rutabaga)
Asparagus
Corn
Steaned broccoli
Yorkshire pudding
Gravy
Horse radish
Buns (not necessary but Stephen insists on it)

Ash is bringing a peppermint ice cream chocolate cake.

Yummy!

Random photos today...


Our shiny new faucet installed in our chipped and stained sink. Notice too that we have an extra hole now...

Jax's paperdoll that he created for his "Heritage" project. It is a voyageur

Pink Necklace

Felted bag that I knit for my SIL for Christmas

Danger, Will Robinson!

Emergency! Leaking kitchen faucet. Actually, I should write GUSHING kitchen faucet. Last night, Stephen noticed a lot of water under the sink. Turns out the kitchen faucet is GUSHING when you turn it on. YIKES! He then said he noticed some water under the sink last week. WTF?! So how much water damage do we have there. I mean it is GUSHING when you turn the water on.

I called Handy Man (who is now licenced Contractor as his paperwork has finally gone through) to see if he could come by and replace it because Stephen says he doesn't think he can do it (I think it will be easier than it looks). And he add$, while we are at it we might a$ well replace the kitchen $ink. Oh and maybe the countertop on the i$land where the $ink is $hould be replaced and let'$ think about rebuilding the i$land to $omething that more $uit$ our need$$$$$$ (hence the Handy Man, excuse me, Contractor, who is not available until after the holidays).

Contractor says the instructions for replace faucets are very detailed and straightforward so we should be able to do it ourselves. He will come by in the New Year to give us an estimate on the sink, countertop and rebuilding the island). In the meantime, I am off to Lowe's to buy a new faucet.

I was up at the crack of dawn this morning (actually, before the crack of dawn since it is close to the shortest day of the year) for a 7:30am hair appointment. Of course I have known for weeks that I needed a haircut but, as usual, left it until the next-to-last minute to call and voila - a 7:30am appointment was all that was left for today. And of course I could not wait a moment longer like say, Monday, to get an appointment at a normal time.

One benefit of arriving at the mall at Saturday morning at 7:25am is snagging just about the best parking spot at the mall.

We went to Stephen's work Christmas party at his manager's house. We had a hard time getting a sitter because Nanny is full-time Nanny to his manager's kids so she was watching them. We finally were able to get the teenager across the street to babysit after her basketball game (which meant we were going late).

She showed up at 7:30 and was in a pissy mood. She was pulled out of the game because she got kicked in the head by another player and the trainer thought she might have a concussion (great!). Her dad told her she could not go back in the game even though she insisted she was ok so she was livid with him.

Stephen went to talk to her mom to make sure she was ok to babysit if she had a concussion. Her mom said yes but they would come over and check on her a couple of times while we were gone.

We arrived home 4 hours after leaving and we found out that her mom had come over to babysit while her dad took her to the emergency room to check out her head! She was ok and came back here but yikes! I am sorry that I asked her to sit. Not because she does not do a good job but the fact that her mother had to sit my kids! I wish they had just called us to come home.

Now my concern is...should I have paid the mom? ;)

After constant dropped connections for the past week, I finally called the money sucking company that is Comcast and they sent a guy out to replace my 5 year old modem. So far I have maintained a constant connection for a whole seven and a half hours without one single disconnect. What is amazing too is that the guy showed up 2 hours before he was due to arrive. It's a Christmas miracle!

Speaking of Christmas, I braved the post office today and mailed off the last of the gifts that needed to be sent to Canada. I missed the guaranteed delivery by Christmas date (it was yesterday) but I am sure it will arrive on time anyway.

Tomorrow is Jax's class luncheon where everyone brings in foods from the country on which they did their presentation. We made Maple Shortbread Cookies, aka Canadian Shortbread 'Eh'. They are yummy!

Our drive to Vancouver and back was completed in 12 hours. We stopped and shopped for an hour and we stopped for lunch and dinner. We spent a couple of hours at Jean-Paul and Marilyn's too. Anyway, the drive was fine (it was a nice day) and the border crossing was quick and uneventful except when some guy with a suitcase approached the US checkpoint and 5 border guards came running up to him. That border crossing is unique because you can walk across the border there but the guy obviously did not see the signs that directed pedestrians to enter on the other side of the building.

Today I taught art class in Jax's class. We studied The Gleaners by Jean Millet. Then the kids drew pictures of themselves doing a chore or some work. It was fun to see what they came up with. The power was out at the school (and our house) so it was cold and dark in the classroom.

Just as I arrived Jax was just about to present his poster on Canada. He spent two weeks doing this project which took hours to do. He had to chose a country from his heritage and it was painful to get it done. I honestly thought it was too much work and too much to expect from Grade 2 students. Anyway, Jax talked about Canada and described his poster as his teacher lit it up with a flashlight (remember, no power). He was so cute and it was fun to see him remember to add some detail after reading what he had written. At the end, one kid pouted "You talked about all the things I was going to talk about!" (His parents are from Canada too).

After the art class, school ended so I went to pick up Dex and his teacher says "Dex, tomorrow you will be a better listener, won't you?". Oh shit, I thought but then she assured me it was the whole class and it was mostly due to the fact that the power was out except for the last 15 minutes of class.

Jax is finally over the stomach bug but mine is still bad. Cars got it sick on Saturday while we were in Vancouver. He kept saying "Mommy, tummy hurts! Doctor!" over and over again while clutching his stomach. We were down to our last diaper and luckily he was fine the last hour or so. I really did not think we would need more than 8 in 12 hours (plus I ripped the tabs off one). Dex and Stephen so far have been fine.

Tomorrow is Art Start in Dex's class so I spent much of today cutting out pieces for the kids to make this to carry home their snowman pot that they made last month. I had to get the supplies together for the morning class too - punching out over 600 circles for the mouth, eyes and flower for hatband. Yikes.

I also finished the necklace that I was commissioned to make. Re-finish I should say. I made it first last wee but the wire was too soft (I accidentally use .999 fine silver instead of .925 sterling silver.

This post is rambling so I will end it here... And I promise to update it more often.

It has been a very long week. Jax was home for three days with a stomach virus. I also have had it and it has not been fun. I think we are both on the upswing now and since we are driving to Vancouver tomorrow for the day, I hope no one else gets it! Oh, and Dex was pissy those three days that Jax stayed home because he figured Jax would be having more fun than him so he wished he were sick too.

I have my SIL in the Christmas draw so we are taking her gift to her as well as dropping off somethings that JP ordered on Amazon to be delivered here. Also, a suitcase/dufflebag that we borrowed from my mom when we were in Toronto in August. JP and Marilyn are flying to Toronto for Christmas next week so they can take the suitcase with them. We hope to buy a few gifts at the outlet store along the way so they can also take presents to Toronto for us (and my mom can wrap 'em!).

I wish I were more organized so we would not have to make this trip. Next year I am going to start my shopping in June!

We bought our tree this evening. It is about 8' tall and looks great. We'll have to wait until Sunday to decorate it.

Ok, off to bed and to Canada in the morning. How exciting and decadent to be going to a different country for the day! ;)

Today, I decided it was going to be my last visit to my crazy doctor. This week marks the second anniversary of my visits to her.

I cannot believe how far I have come in the last two years. Looking back, the feelings of despair and hopelessness that I had now seem so foreign to me. The frightening thoughts that my children would be better off dead (see post 50 things about me) or that if I stopped driving my car one day that I would never be able to drive again. Wondering how I would get through the next day or next hour, or next 5 minutes. I can remember the feelings of being afraid, scared, alone, insane, but I cannot feel those feelings like I did at the time.

Anyway, I walked into her office today and pronounced myself cured. I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Not unscathed of course. I think my marriage was severely impacted by it but we are working on it. I think too that some of the problems that Jax is experiencing at school are cries for attention that he has not received at home.

So, there it is. Upwards and onwards.

Stephen took Jax to a Seattle Sonics game today and apparently it was an ORDEAL. First off, Jax had it set in his mind that he was going to get a FOAM FINGER because in a tv show he watched, the main character went to a basketball game and wanted to buy a FOAM FINGER. So, all week as we were talking up the game, he just kept saying "I hope I get a FOAM FINGER". So, the minute the walk through the door into the arena, he makes a bee line to the souvenir counter too look for the FOAM FINGER. Fortunately for Stephen, they have them. But of course he decides he needs to buy three of them or else Dex and Cars will be devastated when they get home and only Jax has a FOAM FINGER.

They proceed down to their seats which are in the second row above the floor. Best seats Stephen says he has ever had to a sporting event (his manager won the tickets in a charity auction but then she went out of town so she gave them to Stephen). Only 4 rows of seats separate them from the players (the floor seats and the row in front of them). Jax, however, decides it is too darn loud. He spent the first half of the game with his fingers in his ears. He did not even get to wear his FOAM FINGER because he could not wear it and plug his ears.

At half-time, Stephen bought Jax a pizza so Jax can no longer plug ears. He finally gets used to the noise and proudly wears his FOAM FINGER until he decides he would rather root for the Pacers instead of the Sonics. He insists that he needs a pen so he can cross out the name SONICS on his FOAM FINGER and write PACERS. Stephen talks him out of it. But, Jax starts BOO-ING the Sonics whenever they score and cheering loudly when the Pacers do. Stephen said the whole arena is nearly silent whenever the Pacers scored except for Jax shouting "GO PACERS!".

ALl in all Jax had a great time - he got some alone time with Dad, he got a FOAM FINGER and he got to do something that Dex did not (I think that was the biggest thrill). Dex and Cars are happy with their FOAM FINGERS but Dex has already decided that he and Stephen will be going to a Sonics' game one day soon.

The snow arrived a few days late...













The boys had a grand time playing at the park after school. Of course I did not know it was going to snow so Jax and Dex were not exactly dressed appropriately to play in the snow. But I did bring them some gloves. Cars spent much of the time eating snow (no yellow snow!).

I am sure most of it will be gone by the morning.

50 Things About Me

Here is the list of 50 Things About Me (this is a repeat for anyone who may read HER TIME on Delphiforums):

1. I am 40 years old but still feel 18 sometimes (not youthful, just immature)
2. I have three boys
3. I always thought I would have a girl
4. I met my dh at university
5. We were in almost all of the same psychology classes together that year
6. He asked me to marry him twice
7. I said no the first time
8. I am a chronic worrier
9. I probably should be on anti-anxiety medication
10. But that worries me more than the anxiety
11. I had (have) post-partum depression after my third child
12. I am still going to counselling for it two years later but go once every three weeks now
13. I love being creative
14. I make beaded jewerly, I knit (simple items), and I paint
15. I would love to go back to school for graphic design
16. But I worry about the cost, if I am good enough, etc
17. I wish I had more friends IRL
18. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes than speak in public
19. I get tongue-tied when I am nervous and end up sounding like a fool
20. I miss Toronto and hope to move back there one day
21. I haven't lived there in 12 years
22. I hate cold winters though so I will probably stay here with the cool, wet winters
23. I think all.the.time about losing weight
24. Especially when I am sitting around eating chocolate
25. I don't like my sister
26. Although really I think I don't like her because I feel rejected by her
27. She will not speak to anyone in the family except for my mom because "we are all strangers to her"
28. We are strangers because she will not speak to us
29. I am sometimes embarrassed when people ask me about her and I cannot tell them more than what I have heard from my mom
30. I pray for her a lot
31. I pray for my husband too
32. I wish he would attend Church with us
33. I worry about Jackson being exposed to peanuts, especially peanut butter because it is so insidious and gets everywhere
34. When I was in the deep depths of ppd, I used to think it might be better if he died so I didn't have to worry about him and peanut butter anymore
35. That is when I sought help
36. I have never told anyone that before and wonder if I am brave enough not to edit it
37. I feel guilty about those thoughts everyday
38. I want to let my hair grow grey
39. I wish I could afford to go to a salon every 4 weeks to colour it
40. I am lazy
41. I am too cheap to go to Starbucks
42. I get jealous watching Oprah's "Favorite Things" episodes
43. I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom
44. I cannot imagine going back to work in an office
45. My favourite board game is Scrabble but I don't have anyone to play with because Stephen gets annihilated everytime and will not play with me anymore
46. I have wished for world peace every Christmas since I was 10
47. I think Karl Rove is an evil man
48. Organized Christmas trees (by colour or theme) are not for me
49. I love decorating my Christmas tree with all the hodgepodge decoartions
50. I hope to catch "Love Actually" on TV this holiday season