I have been to a nutritionist three times in the past few weeks to try to get a handle on my food issues. The first meeting was covered under the "Total Body Transformation" program that I am doing at the gym and the other two meetings I have had to pay for (well, I guess I did pay for the first one but it was covered under the cost of the program). Anyway, I am down 8 pounds total from when I started and for only the second time in the past 20 years I have dropped into the "normal weight" range based on my BMI (by the way, the first time I dropped this low was just last summer and then I promptly gained weight again).

Let's be clear though, I am at the very, very top of the "normal" range and I still have a lot of extra weight on me, especially around my abdomen. I also realized yesterday that I will never be slim and even my weight goal (9 more pounds off) seems unattainable. I just cannot imagine myself as a thin person. And maybe I am not destined to be one?

I am healthy though. I have made it a priority in the past year to become strong. My heart is healthy (I guess it always was but it is stronger), and I am more active. I can actually do a few pushups (not many but I can do several from the knees!). But I realize too that being healthy is more than just working out. I want to eat "clean" (Gah! I hate it when people talk that way - but it's true!). I am not a child and I need to stop eating candy. Yes, sugar is my weakness. Especially the sugar that comes with fat in the form of chocolate! And I need to eat less fat, more veggies and more lean protein. I am working on that now. And I need to stop eating my emotions. I am very, very good at that!