Dex had a baseball game today and we had to be there 30 minutes early. A few minutes after we arrived, another mom arrived with her son, who is on Dex's team. Then she looked around and said "Where is Tate?!". She started looking around frantically and said again "Where is Tate?!. I knew that look and that fear. I asked her quickly how old Tate was and what he was wearing. Tate is four and was wearing a jean jacket with a hood attached. I took off running, calling for Tate and scanning the crowds. The ball fields were jammed! Four teams (kids, coaches, parents and siblings!) arriving for two baseball games, plus two flag football games just ending and a soccer game. Cars and vans and trucks were driving around the parking lots and driveways. It was madness!

In a couple of minutes I found Tate walking behind the second ball diamond. I said "Are you Tate?" He looked at me warily and nodded. I told him that his mom was looking for him and that he should run back to the other diamond where his brother's team was. We ran back together but when I saw his mom, and she ran towards us, I stopped running. Then I burst into tears.

The same thing happened to me three years ago. We were at Jackson's t-ball game. Cars was a baby and in a stroller. Jax's team was playing t-ball on the soccer field and Dex was playing at the playground directly behind the field. Stephen and I were scanning the playground equipment what we thought was regularly when suddenly Dex was gone. Vanished! Stephen and I realized at the exact same moment and there was this crippling fear and we both stood there, paralyzed. We did not know what to do next. As with today, there were several games going on. Dozens of people wandering around. Everything was happening in slow motion. What do we do. I said "My son is missing!". It came out as a whisper. OMG, it was real. He was missing. I took a big gulp and said louder "MY SON IS MISSING!" Stephen was over at the playground, peering under the stairs and up the slide, as if he would find Dex hiding in plain sight. "MY SON IS MISSING!" A couple of moms came over and asked me what he was wearing and what he looked like. I felt sick to my stomach and felt as though I was going to faint.

Stephen had taken off running. Across the soccer fields (why do they play baseball on soccer fields?!) over to the school portables. He emerged between the portables with Dex in his arms. Dex had run clear across to the school portables and was playing between them. I never felt so relieved in my whole life. I cried - sobbed - with relief.

So, today when that mom was missing her son, Tate, I knew how she felt. That fear and disbelief. Thinking that any moment you will spot him and so forcing yourself to slow down and look harder and closer at all the groups of people. Wanting so badly to think that you were just scanning too quickly, that he is "right there" but you missed him the first, second, seventh time because you were looking too quickly, too frantically. But also knowing that he is just.not.there.

Because it has happened to me, I had made a decision. A decision that I would never just stand there when a mom was missing her child. Never. I have helped a couple of moms in the past but mostly the child was just right there (hiding under the stairs of the climber in the park or behind a bush). Sometimes I cannot do more than that because my kids are with me. Today, it was fortunate that Stephen was there and he had Cars and Jax (Dex was practicing on the field) so I could help that mom find Tate.

She grabbed Tate and hugged him hard. Then she took him to the car where I know she had a good cry. She came back when the game started and told me that she had made a decision. A decision that she would not just sit there when a mom said her child was missing. She told me that I was the only mom who helped her look (I hadn't noticed). That actually surprised and dismayed me. Really.

Anwyay, Tate was found. Dex's team played well and the sun peeked out for about 20 minutes. A happy ending.