I am home from my visit with my mom. It was very emotional and upsetting. It is hard to see her so helpless.  Although there are a lot of things that she can do, some very basic things that she needs to survive and thrive are out of her hands.



My mom is obsessed with her medication. She does take a lot - not sure I can mention them all but let's try. Prednisone, insulin, metformin, lovastatin, levothroid, plus some drug for hypertension (not that she has it but apparently it protects her kidneys from complications of diabetes), Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, calcium, 2 different eye drops, aspirin and I forget what else. In total, she takes about 35 pills a day (the majority of them are prednisone which comes in 5mg tablets and she takes 65mg each day). Anyway, it is a huge ordeal for her, even though the pharmacy now puts the pills in blister packs for her. If she were in assisted living she wouldn't have to worry about getting her meds all ready for the next day and taking them at each meal (or whenever she needs to take them).

My mom is also obsessed with her food. Once she has eaten one meal, she is all ready thinking about getting things ready for the next. So, by 6am she is opening a can of salmon for her lunch. It is never ending and really all that she thinks and worries about (food and meds). So again, assisted living will ease these worries and she can go back to having a life that does not revolve around these things.


So, while I was in Toronto I took my mom to her doctor. My mom had been saying for months that "Until Dr. I tells me it is time to go to a retirement home, I will stay in my apartment". Clearly my mom needs more than just "a retirement home" - she needs to be living in assisted living.  I told Dr. I what my mom had said about her not moving until she (Dr. I) said so and that I thought my mom was not being completely candid with her about the number of times she had run out of insulin (injected herself with nothing). I mentioned how obsessed she was with her meds and food, how she was a bit paranoid and sometimes would be spouting some crazy shit (I believe the prednisone is causing some of the mental health issues) like her insulin is being deleted into a file if she cannot test her blood properly or that when my brother in Vancouver calls her house, all of her voicemail messages disappear. The doctor said she had seen a personality change in my mom over the past few months (my mom took offense to this). However, the doctor said that my mom was an adult and if she chose to live "at risk" it was up to my mom. This really resonated with my mom. Really up until this point she kept thinking she was doing just fine, living alone, having my aunt do all of her shopping, taking her to all of her appointments, having the elderly ladies in the building help her out in the morning and evening to make sure she was eating enough (and not dropping her food on the floor!).

After that appointment, my mom did say that maybe she should move to assisted living ("maybe", not "I will"). I had taken my mom to look at one place a couple of days before and she had seen another two weeks prior with my sister-in-law. The next day my mom said she would like to go look at the other place again so we went to look at it but she was not as happy with it as she had been in the past (and she did not like the place that I took her to a few days before).

Then the day before I left, one of the ladies in the building who had been helping my mom out told me that it had been months and the ladies were all older than my mom and they just could not do it anymore. I knew this would happen. I told my mom from the get-go when she said they had all offered to help her. I had told her that it was not like she had broken her leg or was recovering from surgery. This was permanent! And here we are many months later, these ladies are tired and cannot keep it up. It was kind of them to have offered in the first place. But so impractical - on all levels! Then I had to tell my mom how they felt and that was crushing for her to hear. But I think that was also what was needed for to realize that she does need to go to assisted living.

I feel so badly for my mom. I think being blind has got to be one of the most frightening and saddest things to happen. Imagine not being able to read or play cards (two of her passions before she lost her sight), not being able to find something that you lost or see your hands while you try to prepare meals, dress yourself. My mom cannot see the sun or her grandchildren's faces. Imagine hearing a noise and not being able to see what caused it. Dropping food on the floor and not being able to find it and worrying that you will slip on it. Your basic safety is compromised.

So now we will be moving her into an assisted living facility. I think she has decided which one she wants to go to. I am glad she will be safe but I am sad that she will leave her friends behind. The place is not too far from her apartment but far enough for a bunch of elderly ladies who do not drive. Thankfully it is still close enough for my aunt to visit her regularly and my cousin lives just a couple of minutes away. Even my BFF is close by should an emergency arise and someone needs to get over to see my mom.

I hope my mom will be happy there.

I'm in Toronto, staying with my mom.  I took her to see a retirement home/assisted living facility yesterday.  She seemed put off by it.  She really liked one that my SIL took her to a few weeks ago so maybe we just need to move forward with that one.  They recommend that you stay for two weeks before you go in permanently so that you get an idea what your routine will be like once you are living there. Of course my mom won't consider the two week stay until after Christmas and just the fact that she would be paying rent here in her apartment *and*for the stay bugs her.  She is so worried about money.

I am taking her to see the ophthalmologist today.  It will be good to hear for myself what the doctor is saying because my mom doesn't tell everybody everything and we always have to confer to try to get the real picture. I also am taking her to see her regular doc tomorrow. That one was for me to tell that doctor that my mom is ready for assisted living because my mom kept saying "Dr. I doesn't think I am ready to go in". But again, my mom isn't telling Dr. I everything that is going on.  My biggest concern right now is some psychosis from the prednisone.

And it is 5:45am right now. I've been up since 4when my mom tested her blood sugar with the talking monitor.  Today will be a long day.

I am grumpy. I am concerned about my trip to Toronto and how it will go with my mom. I am not happy to be traveling there in winter weather. Ugh.

I am grumpy about our meetings with the financial planner. We thought we were in better shape that we are in terms of money for retirement and the kids' schooling. I am pushing for them to go to school in Canada where it is more affordable but DH wants them to have "an American university experience" which will put them or us in the poor house. Actually, we are good for them to go to colleges in-state but that limits their options. Also, in the paperwork that DH sent to them he referred to me with a family nickname and so throughout the 159 page document that they created they call me by that name and it bothers me. It is not my name.


I am grumpy because I put my jeans in the dryer and they shrunk. They go on and do up but they are about an inch too short now.


I am grumpy because I missed two weeks of my ultimate core class so when I went today it was so freaking hard. I missed them because of the ultrasound on my breast and because I cannot count hours and scheduled my hair appointment last week too close to the class start time and so when my appointment ran late, it was too late to go to my class.


I am grumpy because I hate the book that we read for book club and I have no interest in discussing it tomorrow night. I am sure that people have felt that way about the books that I have chosen in the past too.


Ok, time to do something to make myself ungrumpy...

So, I am headed back to Toronto for just over a week to spend some time with my mom, to give my aunt a break at being my mom's caregiver and to convince my mom that she has to go to assisted living. It will not be a fun visit at all. My mom has already told me that I might not have time to see my in-laws while I am there. WTF?! They live about 3 miles from her. I will be seeing them. She doesn't need a babysitter 24/7. And if she does then that just proves that she belongs in an assisted living facility.  Sad but true.

With all of the appointments that I had last week (mammogram, woodcarving class, doctor appointment, breast ultrasound, financial planner and furnace guy), I only made it to one class at the gym last week. Then add way too much Halloween candy and a few arguments with various family members = my jeans are too tight.  Aargh!

Whew!

Just plain ol' benign cyst.

One funny is that the radiologist has the exact same name as my dh (first and last but with one letter difference in the way it is spelt). So after he told me I did not have cancer we chatted for a moment about Irish heritage and he said that we (well dh anyway) are probably related to him from way back in their ancestry.

And then I went on with my day.

Get a mammogram.

Darn! I did get a call back from them and I need to go in for an ultrasound tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

For the past several years, I have had my annual mammogram done in October. Every time I book it, they always make me add a day from my last mammogram to ensure that the claim is not rejected by insurance. So what that means is that my mammograms are now at the end of October and in a couple of years my mammograms will be in November!

Ok, this may not seem like a big deal but it is to me. I like going in October.  October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Also, it reminds me that I am doing something important for myself. Sometimes I treat myself to lunch before or afterwards. I always wear a pink bra in honour of all women with breast cancer and because of the breast cancer scare that I had 9 years ago. And soon I won't be going in October anymore!  And that bothers me. Stupid insurance.

And P.S. I quite a few mini calcifications on the mammogram images today and of course I have worked myself up today into believing that I have cancer. And the tech said "They will read the films tonight and call you in the next day or two" ~pause~ "if they see anything. Or you will get a letter in the regular mail if there is nothing". Which made me think that she saw something too! It is funny because I have never, ever worried about my mammograms other than the first one after the biopsy until today. Arrgh!

Well it is Friday and this week did not improve at all.  A shooting at a high school in Marysville, WA was just what was needed to push me over the edge.  I spent two hours watching news coverage and crying for those kids and their families.  Our world is insane.

http://everytown.org/article/schoolshootings/

This has been a bad week and it is only Wednesday.

Cars is not doing well at school and we have been butting heads with his homework. I spent most of Sunday (which was unseasonably warm - abut 72 degrees and sunny!) inside helping him with a board game project (or bored game as he wrote on the instructions and he was adamant that THAT was the correct spelling because you play them when you are bored). We spent Monday night and last night and part of today after school to finish it up. I hate these projects that the kids cannot do without parents.

Monday I woke up with a lot of congestion in my ears and sinuses. Was feeling so sorry for myself. Yesterday was even worse so I have been taking Sudafed like it is going out of style for the past two days. Today while at my "Ultimate Core" class, I could not keep up. My heart rate kept jumping up very quickly way past my max heart rate limit. Finally I asked the trainer if Sudafed could be causing it and he said "YES!". At least I felt a bit better about not being able to keep up but it was very humbling.

My mom has is experiencing some sort of psychosis, probably from all of the prednisone she is on. I am heading back to Toronto for the 4th time since April. I think my aunt needs a break from her and my mom needs to be convinced that she needs to go into an assisted living home. Besides her blindness resulting from Giant Cell Arteritis, she keeps having falls so she has to use a walker at all times. She has run out of insulin a couple of times and has injected herself with nothing (very dangerous!). She cannot manage her phone at all and freaks out when someone comes in to help her and tells her she has missed calls but there is no voicemail. She has had the phone company set her rings to the max number before it goes to voicemail so most likely people are hanging up before it goes to vm (because it rings 16 times!!).

There have been two terrorist attacks in Canada this week and that makes me so sad. Both terrorists were "home-grown" men who converted to Islam and they attacked Canadian soldiers. I believe this is really going to change Canada into a mini-USA.

And I changed my Facebook profile picture to the same one I change it to at this time every year - a picture taken about 34 years ago of me, my sister and two of my brothers around a jack-o'-lantern. It is funny because my smile is all snaggly and I look like the jack-o'-lantern. And well all look so cute and I love it!  Well, my sister, who has not spoken to me since Christmas for some perceived slight or whatever, hit the report button and wrote "Hi Pez, there's something about this photo that bothers me. Would you please take it down? and the photo was attached."  And you know what? I thought F*ck you! She has not spoken to me for months and has the nerve to report this picture so I edited it using MS Paint (I wish I had Photoshop) and cut around her head and took it out. Then I put the new pic up with the comment that my sister reported the picture because she was bothered that she was in it. Then I deleted her as a friend. Well, she threw a fit (probably because a lot of people commented that she was ridiculous) and replied that I was a f*cking liar (?) and then she blocked me. Oh the drama!

I have spent my whole life trying to get my sister to like me. She took great joy in making me feel miserable. We shared a room while we were growing up (she is 5 years older). When she was a teenager and my mom let her smoke (seems so foreign now!) she would run up to our bedroom when my mom sent me to bed to smoke a cigarette because she knew how much I hated the smell of smoke in our bedroom. She used to stir her tea and then touch the hot teaspoon to my hand or arm. She would ask me if I would like to see a match burn twice and she would strike it, blow it out and then touch me with the just burnt match head.

She once tried to throw a spoonful of peanut butter at me but missed and hit my bff right in the middle of her forehead. After she moved out, she would occasionally come home for visits and my favourite pieces of clothing would disappear. I would complain to my mom but she would say that my sister did not make much money (as if I did?!). 

Anyway, I always loved her and wanted her to like me but she never did. I haven't seen her in 11 years and I am sure I won't see her again until my mom's funeral. And I just don't care.

This is a great song. I have known it forever and it is featured in one of my favourite movies - "Love Actually".  Here is a beautiful version of it:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/clips#p0286057

(God Only Knows by the Beach Boys)

Christmas?!

My mother called me in a panic on Friday to tell me that she is blind (duh!) so I must make the Christmas cake this year (fruit cake) and I must start it *immediately* because it needs to soak for weeks and weeks. 

Since Jax and DH love the cake so much, I agreed to make it.  So, I went out and spent close to $50 in supplies (not counting the 8 eggs, 1 pound of butter, 1 pound of flour and 1 pound of sugar that I already had on hand) to make this cake. Of course, because I did not read the recipe properly, I did not get it into the oven until a few minutes ago and it takes 4.5 hours to bake so it won't be ready to come out until 12:30am.

Anyway, I hope it tastes as good as hers - moist and yummy. I used the same recipe that she does but you know some people always change one or two little things so the same recipe made by two different people never quite taste the same.

Also, since I no longer eat wheat, I won't be able to even try this cake. If it weren't so expensive, I would try to make a gluten-free one to see how it tastes ($50 is a lot of money to throw away if it tastes like crap).

Hmmm...now I wonder if she expects me to mail a piece to each of my siblings (and to her!) as she always made it and mailed it. Maybe this is really just her way of saving money! ;)  Just kidding. I know she would totally make this if she could see. So many changes for her since she lost her eyesight four months ago.

Last night was book club and it was my turn to host. We read a book (bio) about a drunk (and recovering) Christian and then the author called us via Skype. It was really fun. I really enjoyed the book (I won 12 copies for our book club from a book club site plus the chat with the author). Her book was really interesting and I loved her honestly and inner "voice". I wish I could write like that (although maybe I need to be a recovering alcoholic to do so?).  Anyway, she was funny, charming and interesting on Skype too.  Good times!

A few years ago I started a new blahg that I quickly lost interest in. I found it again tonight and re-read the 5 or 6 posts that I made. This one made me cry.
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May 11, 2008
What difference did I make for someone today?  If it had not been for me, I guess my son would not have been able to eat waffles at school.  He is terrified to eat food that he does not bring to school and while his whole class was enjoying waffles to celebrate the end of the state testing, he sat at his desk reading his book until I arrived, 30 minutes late.  The moment he saw me he jumped up and ran over to me and lead me to the desk where the waffles were sitting, waiting for him.  They were cold but he did not care.  He carefully poured the maple syrup over them and topped them with the last of the whipped cream from the can.  He was so happy to be eating waffles like his classmates that he did not even mind or maybe just not notice that everyone else had already finished eating.
I stayed until he was almost done and then I whispered to him that it was time for me to leave.  He became agitated and started worrying about the syrup and the whipped cream.  We did not check the labels, he said.  I assured him that it was ok.  He looked down at his plate and announced that he was full and as he stood and carried his paper plate over to the garbage can.  I could see the joy that he had while eating the waffles -  just like all of the other kids - disappearing.  It was replaced with the flat affect he has developed to hide his disappointment.  He had become "that kid with the allergy" again.  And it broke my heart.  It broke my heart.

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Man, it breaks my heart to read this and remember what an awful time it was when Jax would not eat because he was terrified of his peanut allergy. He lost so much weight that year - he was so painfully skinny. He was so scared and I was terrified at his distress and because I could not help him myself. Thankfully a year of counseling, including  using biofeedback, helped get him to realize that his thoughts about food and his peanut allergy were irrational. To this day, however, if he is stressed he will worry about his allergy and if food is safe for him to eat.

If I could have a do over, I would definitely do things differently. Maybe even starting with not eating pb while pregnant and nursing and refusing antibiotics for Jax when he was so sick all the time (colds/ear infections) from daycare.

Although to be fair to myself, Cars also has food allergies and I did not eat some of his allergens (I am not sure when the last time I even had a Brazil nut - maybe in the early 80s?!), he was not sick all the time like Jax (no daycare). He did not have antibiotics as much as Jax (no sickness, ear infections, etc).

Food allergies just plain suck.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' Into the future

I haven't been good about posting on my blahg at all in 2014. I think because I post so much on facebook. Anyway, let's see where we are these days...

School started at the beginning of September. Jax and Dex are both in high school and Cars is in middle school. Jax and Dex seem to be doing well (according to their grades). Dex still spins out of control when he thinks he has too much homework. He cannot calm himself down to really take a look at what he has to do. Yesterday he was freaking out about his French homework and test that was today and he could not think rationally about what actually needed to be done. I had to sit down with him to keep him focused on answering each question. He seems to think that he will pick up French by osmosis and thinks it is cheating or he is "stupid" (his word) if he cannot memorize a word or phrase just by reading it once. And he compares himself to Jax (who is in his 3rd year of French, not first like Dex) or me (who studied French in grades K, 1, 2, 6-13 in Ottawa and Toronto). Yes, of course I know what "Fermez vos cahiers" means because I had teachers say that to me for YEARS! *sigh* In the end, when he came home from school today, he did really well on the test. Which is great but it won't be enough to convince him that he will be ok next time he starts to spiral out of control.

Jax is working hard. I think the school has really drummed it into the students that their junior year (grade 11 for my Canadian friends) is über important so he has buckled down to do his work. Not that he did not work hard last year but he seems to be a bit more focused this year. He is also busy with hockey and working at the nearby grocery store. Maybe he needs to cut back a bit on his work hours? It is hard to know what is the right thing to do - work a part-time job or spend 100% of his time concentrating on getting into a great university. There is so much pressure. Figuring out college / university is almost a full-time job and so stressful. Not at all what it was like when I went to school (a billion years ago and in Canada).

Cars...*sigh* He is just himself. He is struggling with not talking in class, keeping his homework straight and passing tests. He currently has an F in Math and Science (same teacher) and a D in Language Arts (although he has an A in PE!). He keeps forgetting to turn in homework assignments, write down homework and he does not put in 100% effort into his work. Punishing him does not work. His cell phone is his currency right now so I take it away from him when he gets home each day and he is not allowed to hang out with his friends after school until his grades improve. And they are not improving! And to top it off, he is being disruptive in Math and Science. Probably his other class too but he has an experienced teacher who can nip it in the bud whereas his Math/Science teacher is a new teacher.  Other than school is he doing great. He is funny and kind and playing hockey and over 5' tall!


Over 75% of the people in DH's group were laid off last month. Thankfully, he was not one of them. Big Bad Software company eliminated his group entirely so about 100 people were laid off and about 20+ were kept but sent to other areas. The people who were kept just happened to be working on certain projects (although that did not entirely keep people from being laid off). DH works very, very hard and was lucky enough to see that one project was important to the company and aligned himself with it. He his now in a new group and hoping that the last round of layoffs will not touch him again.

And me? I spent a week on jury duty at the Seattle Federal Courthouse (drug and gun trial). It was exhausting but interesting. I am still doing woodcarving and working out at the gym but eating enough to make up for the extra calories burned. I figure this year it is my job to help Jax figure out which university he should be going to (I am pushing schools in Canada) and to keep Cars from having to repeat 6th grade (it is the 6th week of school and I am already worried about this!). It is going to be a long year.

Last Wednesday, Dex had his braces taken off and his teeth look wonderful! A big, beautiful, perfect American teenager smile. I went back to look at photos before he had braces put on and he had such a huge overbite - I had almost forgotten about that! He had his braces on just about a year and a half and we were told that treatment would be 18-24 months so they were spot on. 
On Monday, I took all three boys to the dentist for a cleaning/x-rays/etc. After they were finished up with Dex, the hygienist pulled me aside and told me that they noticed that his back teeth are not touching so the dentist has emailed the orthodontist to tell him. W.T.F.!!! I cannot believe it!  So, here we are 2 days after the email and no word from the orthodontist.  Dex has a follow up visit in October to check on how his retainer is working out for him.  I think I will call them tomorrow anyway.

Oh, and after Cars came out of his appointment at the dentist they said "We need to talk about braces".

I nodded and told them that he had completed "Phase 1" (palate expander, braces on top 4 teeth) in April and that he too would be going back in October. "Good", they said, "Because he is about the lose a whole slew of teeth and will be ready for braces"...again.

I took Cars to the doctor last week because he needed a TDaP shot before he can return to school. They asked if I wanted him to have a physical since his last one was in 2009 (bad mom!). I said yes.
Just before we left I reminded Cars that the doctor would be checking him over - all over. He blanched and said there was NO WAY that she would be looking at his private parts "It is NOT going to happen, Mom!" he repeated over and over again.

Once we were there he told the doctor ...(a female doctor who has been my kids' pediatrician since we moved here 15 years ago) that he did not want her to examine him "down there". She explained how important it was but he just kept saying "I don't want you to! (there may have even been a foot stamp in there). She suggested that maybe he might be more comfortable with a male doctor and Cars declared that he would so we would just come back in December or January (?!) to see the male doc. I explained that because of insurance, we had to have it done today and the doc checked and sure enough the male doctor could see Cars today and Cars was soooo mad. He was even madder when he realized that he was getting 2 shots and not just one (I went ahead and had him get the meningitis shot (not required but recommended).

Anyway, through all of this the doc was great and I was trying so hard not to laugh. Cars definitely has a mind of his own and does not just go along with things because that is what you are supposed to do. It was so funny to see him with his Justin Beiber haircut, flicking his hair back out of his eyes every couple of seconds while looking at the doctor and saying "I don't want you to".

My mom is trying so hard to be independent and live on her own. She has help from the CNIB (Canadian National Institute for the Blind) where a guy who is legally blind himself, comes in and is teaching her some skills such has how to cook. My mom has hired a lady in her building to come in a few hours a week to help with light housekeeping, food prep and laundry/ironing. And my mom is eligible for 2 one hour visits from the city-sponsored home care. That woman comes and helps my mom shower. My mom was so indignant when she found out she was only eligible for someone to help her shower because she felt she could shower herself but if she did not accept that help she would have nothing. So her helper comes, gives her a shower and then tidies things up a bit during each hourly visit.
Plus my mom has several friends in the building who have rallied around to help her out with food prep and stuff but that help will wear thin soon enough. It is not as though she broke her leg and needs help for a few weeks. This blindness is permanent and my mom has finally just realized it in the past week. She was so hoping (against all hope) that she would get some vision back but she will not and I am not sure if her ophthalmologist finally told her or that my mom finally *heard* it from the doctor.

I flew to see her for 9 days (10 actually but I left there early in the morning and arrived home late-morning my time). It was so hard to see her blind. Now, she does have some peripheral vision but most times all she sees out of the sides of her eyes are black, grey and white shadows. Occasionally she will see a flash of colour - usually if something is red. Having the peripheral vision allows her to walk around her apartment because she can tell where the walls and doorways are. She can walk outside with a white cane although she has had 3 bad falls (one when she was with me and I felt horrible but she was holding my elbow then the next second she was on the ground! Thank God she did not break any bones).

And yesterday she told me that she had a bad morning because she had found out that she had been out of insulin for three days and did not realize it. She had been injecting NOTHING into her!  She kept thinking that she felt the drop of insulin that she must push out before she uses her insulin pen but apparently she was mistake. She could not figure out why her blood sugar was so high so she finally called my aunt over to take a look and the vial was empty! She was so upset she figured that was the end and proof that she could not live alone.

So, that was not the tipping point but I am sure that it will come soon enough. I hate to be a downer but the odds are stacked against her. She is still on a great deal of prednisone to keep the Giant Cell Arteritis symptoms at bay and that in itself is a problem. Prednisone causes blood sugar problems (she had to go on insulin once she was diagnosed with Giant Cel - before that metformin was working for her), it causes osteoporosis, it compromises your immune system, can cause heart problems and a whole host of other side effects. It really sucks that she will be on it for the rest of her life, especially at such a high dose. All of those side effects too can really help "age" someone and my mom is aging. I mean, she is not young (she turned 79 the week after she was diagnosed) but being on all of these drugs and relying on others had made her seem even older. Again, this whole thing just sucks!

And what also sucks is that I do not live closer so I cannot be of more help. My mom has 5 children and only 1 lives within an hour of her (the rest of us are in Minnesota, Alberta, British Columbia and me here in WA State). My poor mom.

Happy Canada Day!

My Mom

My mom lost the vision in both eyes (5 days apart). It was sudden and unexpected. We are all in panic mode right now.

She was sick in May with Giant Cell Arteritis (which is a condition related to Polymyalgia Rheumatica - which she was diagnosed with in January). Giant Cell Arteritis is much more serious though because it can cause blindness and strokes if not treated immediately. All indications were that she was on a high enough dose of prednisone before she lost her eyesight - 3 weeks after diagnosis.

So, I was in Toronto in May to help out (right after she was diagnosed but before she went blind). I am going out again in 11 days to stay with her while we attempt to get home care and other services in place because we all hope that she can stay in her apartment and maintain some independence.  What is very unfortunate is that it happened so quickly and completely. She is not visually impaired...she is BLIND. On occasion, she will have some peripheral vision out of one eye and she can see shadows with the other.

I feel so sad for her. I am sad too because she will never again see my beautiful children. Any of her grandchildren. She won't see another sunset or blue sky. She won't be able to look at old photos of my dad. I know it could be worse, definitely could be much worse. But not being able to see is definitely something to mourn.

My poor mom.