A few years ago I started a new blahg that I quickly lost interest in. I found it again tonight and re-read the 5 or 6 posts that I made. This one made me cry.
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May 11, 2008
What difference did I make for someone today?  If it had not been for me, I guess my son would not have been able to eat waffles at school.  He is terrified to eat food that he does not bring to school and while his whole class was enjoying waffles to celebrate the end of the state testing, he sat at his desk reading his book until I arrived, 30 minutes late.  The moment he saw me he jumped up and ran over to me and lead me to the desk where the waffles were sitting, waiting for him.  They were cold but he did not care.  He carefully poured the maple syrup over them and topped them with the last of the whipped cream from the can.  He was so happy to be eating waffles like his classmates that he did not even mind or maybe just not notice that everyone else had already finished eating.
I stayed until he was almost done and then I whispered to him that it was time for me to leave.  He became agitated and started worrying about the syrup and the whipped cream.  We did not check the labels, he said.  I assured him that it was ok.  He looked down at his plate and announced that he was full and as he stood and carried his paper plate over to the garbage can.  I could see the joy that he had while eating the waffles -  just like all of the other kids - disappearing.  It was replaced with the flat affect he has developed to hide his disappointment.  He had become "that kid with the allergy" again.  And it broke my heart.  It broke my heart.

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Man, it breaks my heart to read this and remember what an awful time it was when Jax would not eat because he was terrified of his peanut allergy. He lost so much weight that year - he was so painfully skinny. He was so scared and I was terrified at his distress and because I could not help him myself. Thankfully a year of counseling, including  using biofeedback, helped get him to realize that his thoughts about food and his peanut allergy were irrational. To this day, however, if he is stressed he will worry about his allergy and if food is safe for him to eat.

If I could have a do over, I would definitely do things differently. Maybe even starting with not eating pb while pregnant and nursing and refusing antibiotics for Jax when he was so sick all the time (colds/ear infections) from daycare.

Although to be fair to myself, Cars also has food allergies and I did not eat some of his allergens (I am not sure when the last time I even had a Brazil nut - maybe in the early 80s?!), he was not sick all the time like Jax (no daycare). He did not have antibiotics as much as Jax (no sickness, ear infections, etc).

Food allergies just plain suck.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' Into the future

I haven't been good about posting on my blahg at all in 2014. I think because I post so much on facebook. Anyway, let's see where we are these days...

School started at the beginning of September. Jax and Dex are both in high school and Cars is in middle school. Jax and Dex seem to be doing well (according to their grades). Dex still spins out of control when he thinks he has too much homework. He cannot calm himself down to really take a look at what he has to do. Yesterday he was freaking out about his French homework and test that was today and he could not think rationally about what actually needed to be done. I had to sit down with him to keep him focused on answering each question. He seems to think that he will pick up French by osmosis and thinks it is cheating or he is "stupid" (his word) if he cannot memorize a word or phrase just by reading it once. And he compares himself to Jax (who is in his 3rd year of French, not first like Dex) or me (who studied French in grades K, 1, 2, 6-13 in Ottawa and Toronto). Yes, of course I know what "Fermez vos cahiers" means because I had teachers say that to me for YEARS! *sigh* In the end, when he came home from school today, he did really well on the test. Which is great but it won't be enough to convince him that he will be ok next time he starts to spiral out of control.

Jax is working hard. I think the school has really drummed it into the students that their junior year (grade 11 for my Canadian friends) is über important so he has buckled down to do his work. Not that he did not work hard last year but he seems to be a bit more focused this year. He is also busy with hockey and working at the nearby grocery store. Maybe he needs to cut back a bit on his work hours? It is hard to know what is the right thing to do - work a part-time job or spend 100% of his time concentrating on getting into a great university. There is so much pressure. Figuring out college / university is almost a full-time job and so stressful. Not at all what it was like when I went to school (a billion years ago and in Canada).

Cars...*sigh* He is just himself. He is struggling with not talking in class, keeping his homework straight and passing tests. He currently has an F in Math and Science (same teacher) and a D in Language Arts (although he has an A in PE!). He keeps forgetting to turn in homework assignments, write down homework and he does not put in 100% effort into his work. Punishing him does not work. His cell phone is his currency right now so I take it away from him when he gets home each day and he is not allowed to hang out with his friends after school until his grades improve. And they are not improving! And to top it off, he is being disruptive in Math and Science. Probably his other class too but he has an experienced teacher who can nip it in the bud whereas his Math/Science teacher is a new teacher.  Other than school is he doing great. He is funny and kind and playing hockey and over 5' tall!


Over 75% of the people in DH's group were laid off last month. Thankfully, he was not one of them. Big Bad Software company eliminated his group entirely so about 100 people were laid off and about 20+ were kept but sent to other areas. The people who were kept just happened to be working on certain projects (although that did not entirely keep people from being laid off). DH works very, very hard and was lucky enough to see that one project was important to the company and aligned himself with it. He his now in a new group and hoping that the last round of layoffs will not touch him again.

And me? I spent a week on jury duty at the Seattle Federal Courthouse (drug and gun trial). It was exhausting but interesting. I am still doing woodcarving and working out at the gym but eating enough to make up for the extra calories burned. I figure this year it is my job to help Jax figure out which university he should be going to (I am pushing schools in Canada) and to keep Cars from having to repeat 6th grade (it is the 6th week of school and I am already worried about this!). It is going to be a long year.

Last Wednesday, Dex had his braces taken off and his teeth look wonderful! A big, beautiful, perfect American teenager smile. I went back to look at photos before he had braces put on and he had such a huge overbite - I had almost forgotten about that! He had his braces on just about a year and a half and we were told that treatment would be 18-24 months so they were spot on. 
On Monday, I took all three boys to the dentist for a cleaning/x-rays/etc. After they were finished up with Dex, the hygienist pulled me aside and told me that they noticed that his back teeth are not touching so the dentist has emailed the orthodontist to tell him. W.T.F.!!! I cannot believe it!  So, here we are 2 days after the email and no word from the orthodontist.  Dex has a follow up visit in October to check on how his retainer is working out for him.  I think I will call them tomorrow anyway.

Oh, and after Cars came out of his appointment at the dentist they said "We need to talk about braces".

I nodded and told them that he had completed "Phase 1" (palate expander, braces on top 4 teeth) in April and that he too would be going back in October. "Good", they said, "Because he is about the lose a whole slew of teeth and will be ready for braces"...again.

I took Cars to the doctor last week because he needed a TDaP shot before he can return to school. They asked if I wanted him to have a physical since his last one was in 2009 (bad mom!). I said yes.
Just before we left I reminded Cars that the doctor would be checking him over - all over. He blanched and said there was NO WAY that she would be looking at his private parts "It is NOT going to happen, Mom!" he repeated over and over again.

Once we were there he told the doctor ...(a female doctor who has been my kids' pediatrician since we moved here 15 years ago) that he did not want her to examine him "down there". She explained how important it was but he just kept saying "I don't want you to! (there may have even been a foot stamp in there). She suggested that maybe he might be more comfortable with a male doctor and Cars declared that he would so we would just come back in December or January (?!) to see the male doc. I explained that because of insurance, we had to have it done today and the doc checked and sure enough the male doctor could see Cars today and Cars was soooo mad. He was even madder when he realized that he was getting 2 shots and not just one (I went ahead and had him get the meningitis shot (not required but recommended).

Anyway, through all of this the doc was great and I was trying so hard not to laugh. Cars definitely has a mind of his own and does not just go along with things because that is what you are supposed to do. It was so funny to see him with his Justin Beiber haircut, flicking his hair back out of his eyes every couple of seconds while looking at the doctor and saying "I don't want you to".

My mom is trying so hard to be independent and live on her own. She has help from the CNIB (Canadian National Institute for the Blind) where a guy who is legally blind himself, comes in and is teaching her some skills such has how to cook. My mom has hired a lady in her building to come in a few hours a week to help with light housekeeping, food prep and laundry/ironing. And my mom is eligible for 2 one hour visits from the city-sponsored home care. That woman comes and helps my mom shower. My mom was so indignant when she found out she was only eligible for someone to help her shower because she felt she could shower herself but if she did not accept that help she would have nothing. So her helper comes, gives her a shower and then tidies things up a bit during each hourly visit.
Plus my mom has several friends in the building who have rallied around to help her out with food prep and stuff but that help will wear thin soon enough. It is not as though she broke her leg and needs help for a few weeks. This blindness is permanent and my mom has finally just realized it in the past week. She was so hoping (against all hope) that she would get some vision back but she will not and I am not sure if her ophthalmologist finally told her or that my mom finally *heard* it from the doctor.

I flew to see her for 9 days (10 actually but I left there early in the morning and arrived home late-morning my time). It was so hard to see her blind. Now, she does have some peripheral vision but most times all she sees out of the sides of her eyes are black, grey and white shadows. Occasionally she will see a flash of colour - usually if something is red. Having the peripheral vision allows her to walk around her apartment because she can tell where the walls and doorways are. She can walk outside with a white cane although she has had 3 bad falls (one when she was with me and I felt horrible but she was holding my elbow then the next second she was on the ground! Thank God she did not break any bones).

And yesterday she told me that she had a bad morning because she had found out that she had been out of insulin for three days and did not realize it. She had been injecting NOTHING into her!  She kept thinking that she felt the drop of insulin that she must push out before she uses her insulin pen but apparently she was mistake. She could not figure out why her blood sugar was so high so she finally called my aunt over to take a look and the vial was empty! She was so upset she figured that was the end and proof that she could not live alone.

So, that was not the tipping point but I am sure that it will come soon enough. I hate to be a downer but the odds are stacked against her. She is still on a great deal of prednisone to keep the Giant Cell Arteritis symptoms at bay and that in itself is a problem. Prednisone causes blood sugar problems (she had to go on insulin once she was diagnosed with Giant Cel - before that metformin was working for her), it causes osteoporosis, it compromises your immune system, can cause heart problems and a whole host of other side effects. It really sucks that she will be on it for the rest of her life, especially at such a high dose. All of those side effects too can really help "age" someone and my mom is aging. I mean, she is not young (she turned 79 the week after she was diagnosed) but being on all of these drugs and relying on others had made her seem even older. Again, this whole thing just sucks!

And what also sucks is that I do not live closer so I cannot be of more help. My mom has 5 children and only 1 lives within an hour of her (the rest of us are in Minnesota, Alberta, British Columbia and me here in WA State). My poor mom.

Happy Canada Day!

My Mom

My mom lost the vision in both eyes (5 days apart). It was sudden and unexpected. We are all in panic mode right now.

She was sick in May with Giant Cell Arteritis (which is a condition related to Polymyalgia Rheumatica - which she was diagnosed with in January). Giant Cell Arteritis is much more serious though because it can cause blindness and strokes if not treated immediately. All indications were that she was on a high enough dose of prednisone before she lost her eyesight - 3 weeks after diagnosis.

So, I was in Toronto in May to help out (right after she was diagnosed but before she went blind). I am going out again in 11 days to stay with her while we attempt to get home care and other services in place because we all hope that she can stay in her apartment and maintain some independence.  What is very unfortunate is that it happened so quickly and completely. She is not visually impaired...she is BLIND. On occasion, she will have some peripheral vision out of one eye and she can see shadows with the other.

I feel so sad for her. I am sad too because she will never again see my beautiful children. Any of her grandchildren. She won't see another sunset or blue sky. She won't be able to look at old photos of my dad. I know it could be worse, definitely could be much worse. But not being able to see is definitely something to mourn.

My poor mom.

Run Run Run

I completed my fourth Seattle Rock'n'Roll 1/2 Marathon yesterday (and fifth 1/2 marathon overall). I am very pleased with my time - 2:55:19.  I am not a runner and when my friend and I started doing these we knew we would be walking.  Slowly it evolved into walk/run/walk and then this year it was run/walk/run. We shaved 17 minutes off last year's time and 41 minutes off our time from the first year.

I contribute the improvement in time to the Total Body Transformation classes that I have been taking at the ProClub. I am stronger. My endurance has improved and I can actually run for more than a minute or two at a time.

Of course on the downside is that I have irritated one of the quad muscles in my right leg (hurt it a few weeks ago and it has been giving me nerve pain and numbness but the doc said it was ok to do the 1/2 marathon). And I have a disgusting blood blister on my right foot. Ugh!

The fun thing about the Seattle R'n'R 1/2 is that there are always lots of bands playing along the route and concerts after the race.  This year was so much fun!  The Presidents of the United States of America played and then Sir Mix-a-Lot - both groups are Seattle-based. So fun! It was a gloriously sunny but not hot summer day (first day of summer). All around a great day!

Now I am all pumped up that I keep thinking about running other 1/2 marathons!

Father's Day

This Father's Day marks 15 years since my dad passed away (the actual date was June 20, 1999). He died 13 months after being diagnosed with esophageal cancer.  This year is a milestone anniversary but also my mom has been sick and she suddenly and unexpectantly went blind this past week. She is on massive doses of steroids in hopes of calming the swelling in her optic nerve in hopes that her eyesight is restored. We should know more in a few days. 

 

In the meantime, here are some of my favourite photos of my dad.

Jackson and My Dad 1998

Dad bbqing out the back door on Madras Crescent

Politician in Action

Marc, Jean-Paul, Michael, Me, Judi with Dad at Grandpa and Nana's house. We were visiting for Christmas and Nana died a couple of days later. Nana died from the same thing my dad did although hers was called a "bleeding ulcer" in her esophagus. My dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer 26 years later.

 

Dad as City of Toronto Councillor

Dad at home on Madras

Running for office for the first time.  Putting a sign on his parents' lawn on Midland Avenue.

Mayor of Scarborough

Everyday I'm Whittlin'

I am still taking a woodcarving class every Tuesday morning and I am still plugging away at my projects. I am so slow at it (mostly I am afraid to make mistakes so I hem and haw over every move before I make it - do I cut the wood this way or that way? Are the two sides even? What if I do this?  What if I make a mistake? OMG! And my most recent project (that has taken me a YEAR) is made out of yellow cedar which rips and tears and is hard to work with. Anyway, I finally just finished carving and staining it and will paint it over the summer.  Here's a picture:

Ok, it will look much better once it is painted (black and red). 

 

I also finally finished painting the piece that I finished carving last year:

 

My next piece will be a "Cooper" which is like a shield. I think historically they were made from copper, hence the name.

 

I will post photos of that in a year or so.  ;)

Summer is approaching quickly (less than 2 weeks of school left)! I am excited to have a nice relaxing summer after last year's bathroom remodeling that kept us tied up at home all summer.

We have booked our trip to the Oregon coast which will be fun.  I hope the weather is a bit warmer there than last year! This is a photo of me from last year:

Yes, I really was wearing a knit hat (and two hoodies)! Brrrr! It was cold!

I bought a piece of artwork from Etsy that matches the kitchen colours perfectly. The seller actually did not have this piece in this colour scheme but she had another where the wood slats were vertical but I liked the horizontal look better so had this one custom made. I love it and it ties everything together.

I have been working out regularly since January and I feel pretty good. I am sleeping better, I am stronger, I have lost some weight, etc.  I still do not like going to classes but once I am there I enjoy them and feel very accomplished afterwards since they are not easy classes.

One of my goals for 2014 was to build up strength again in my upper body.  Since I had shoulder issues and went to PT 1.5 years ago, I had basically done absolutely NO upper body work.  And I was so weak. I am still not that strong but I have reached my goal of being able to do 10 push-ups (from the knees). In January I could not do one.  I can also do 2 regular push-ups and my new goal is to be able to do 10.

Go me!

We took down our climber today.  Stephen assembled it the first weekend of May in 2004. It was a kit from Co$tco and he spent the whole weekend putting it together.  We had a small section of our backyard at the old house where we thought it would fit but once we had it we realized that if we put it together the way it was supposed to go, it would not fit! So we had to change the position of the slide with the climbing "wall" and voila!

 

This photo was taken the day it was completed.

 

 

When we moved, the lady who bought our house had two big dogs so she did not want the climber.  We decided we'd move it but that was a complete hassle.  In the end we hired a kid who was our realtor's neighbour to disassemble it and truck it the 1/3 mile down the hill to our new house.  Then he and his friends put it back together.  That was 6.5 years ago. 

 

Jax and Dex quickly outgrew the climber but Cars still loved it and used it all.the.time until this past winter when the swings snapped when he and a friend were playing on it.  So many of the boards were rotting (we replaced many of them over the years) so we decided that it was time to get rid of it. Stephen and the boys started disassembling it just before noon today. 

 

Cars got bored and after 2pm went in search of some friends.  Jax and Dex worked with Stephen until 5:30 and the climber is now disassembled and awaiting a trip to the dump.

 

Cars returned for the final photo op.

 

 

What a difference a decade makes, eh?

 

Long Time No See...

The past two months have flown by.  Here's a recap...

My 49th birthday was at the end of March. I am *concerned* about turning 50. It sounds so damn old.  I had no problems turning 40.  Forty was fun and I still felt so young.  But 40 was nearly a decade ago.  When my dad turned 50 (and I was a smart-mouthed teenager), I kept reminding him over and over again that he was "Half a hundred!". He really did not like to hear it and now that I am pushing 50 I can see why!

I had a hard time turning 25 - thought it was so old.  Stephen and I had recently broken up and I was single but always thought I would be married by the time I was 25.  And here I am, staring at 50 and while I am not concerned about getting married, I feel like maybe I haven't hit some major markers or milestones and won't by the time I hit that big 5-0.  Yikes!

A few days after my b-day we left for a visit to Toronto.  Toronto in April is never ideal but Toronto in April during a Polar Vortex winter/spring sucks!  Actually, just the first few days were cold but there was still so much snow piled up in places.  The quadrangle of the hotel that we stayed in still had snow.  The 401 had those icky black ice banks that accumulate along the sides of the road and the parking lots had big, gross, black piles of snow in the corners of them.

But, it was good to see my mom.  She was doing so much better than she had been just a few weeks before. This illness has taken a lot out of her - she has aged incredibly.

Jax turned 16 the day after we got back and we have scheduled his test for his license for May 4th. I am excited and scared for that.  The cost of his insurance will be astronomical and Stephen has spent every waking moment for the past 10 days trying to find a good used car for Jax.  It is getting tiresome.  We are not really in a rush to buy a 3rd car - we just need one by September.  Also, a friend who has a friend in the auto industry said that this is the worst time to buy a car because everyone has their tax $$ back and wants to buy a car so inventory is down (new and used) and prices are up.  I think we should cool our heels until the end of June.

And I cannot believe that we are buying a car for my 16 year old.  To be clear, it won't be *his* car but it will be for him to drive.  Living the OC life here in Washington state. ;)

Feeling down today.  I had written a big long post about why but decided not to publish it.  Just feeling rejected by a family member today and it smarts.

I know that I have to accept that there is most likely some kind of mental illness involved (not on my part ;) but that doesn't make it hurt less.

Ok, off to dream about chocolate to make myself feel better.

My mom has been sick for a couple of months. Several pain and aches and numb hands. She was finally diagnosed with Polymyalgia Rheumatica and is now on prednisone (and apparently she has been told she will be on it for the rest of her life).  This condition explains the severe pain she had been experiencing  but not the numb hands so today she is headed to a neurologist to try to find out why she also is experiencing that.

My mom is 78 (she turns 79 in May). She is on so many medications that it is a little alarming. She has metformin for diabetes, thyroid medication, a statin for high cholesterol, a blood pressure pill to protect her kidneys from complications of diabetes, lorazepam as a sleep aid when needed, Cymbalta for pain from her new condition as well as prednisone. I think that is all of them but what a list!  Oh, I think she takes a few supplements like calcium, Vitamin D and Vitamin B12 as well.

I worry about how all of these medications mix together and how they might cause other health problems. I read just this past weekend that some people on statins end up with an irreversible autoimmune disease that attacks and breaks down your muscles.

The mom of a friend of mine was having issues with potassium levels (the doctors canceled two surgeries because of it) and it turns out it was all chemically induced by a wrong combination or amounts of her medications.

I hope after today's doctor appointments (my mom is also seeing her rheumatologist), that my mom has no more medications prescribed and that perhaps they can take her off one or two of them - like perhaps Cymbalta - although to be fair I think that Cymbalta has helped with her mood but that could also be because she is not in chronic pain anymore.

And, it is my goal to keep diabetes at bay for myself (it runs in the family - one of my brothers, my mom, my grandmother) as well as to ensure that my cholesterol levels stay low, blood pressure stays low and hopefully the 45% of my thyroid that I have remaining keeps functioning for a good number of years to come.

Finally Finished!

Finally!

 

No more renovations for a long, long time.

Happy New Year

Here we are.  Nine days into the New Year and no word on my tile. I was hoping we would have the tile installation scheduled already.  My hope is that I hear from my designer today or tomorrow that the tile is in at the distribution center so I can go pick it up and have the tile installation scheduled starting on Monday.  Wouldn't that be sweet?

I received the bill from the designer for her services from October through December 20th (geez, I wish she would bill me monthly because it would be easier to write several smaller cheques than one big one - easier psychologically, I mean).  Anyway, she did not list any extra hours for managing the floor screw up and fewer hours for the painting screw up than she actually managed so I do appreciate that.  She also ate the cost of the extra paint ($60/gallon + tax) and paid the painters an extra $200 herself.  That is something that I did not wish that I knew because it made me feel guilty a bit but really the fact that the cupboard doors and draw fronts got screwed up because the painters brought them back too soon had nothing to do with me.

Hoping to post an updated, completed kitchen photo soon.

Well, this is it for far.  Still need to tile backsplash. So many issues with the remodel that I am not even excited about it at all.  How sad it that?